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[May. 17th, 2008|12:37 pm] |
Hi, is there anyone around to chat?I am very close to a binge and I really don't want to do it
Lily xxx
Ps. My msn is riverbeddust@hotmail.com |
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[May. 17th, 2008|05:47 am] |
Well, howdy!!!!!!
Anyway. I used to be a semi-"regular" commenter/poster about a year ago, then fell of the face of the internet for a while when life got in the way...but now I'm back mostly because I miss having a safe place to talk and also due to sudden onset lonely vibes lately.
I was wondering, who here has Myspace? I've friended some members on Facebook last fall and last spring etc. But I use myspace more often. Would anyone like to friend me? No worries, I won't blab on your profile about eating disorders or anything, I favor my privacy too lol. |
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| From now on I'm always going to throw away my left overs |
[May. 17th, 2008|01:11 am] |
Otherwise I'm pretty much only purging to make room for more food. I couldn't finish the last bowl of corn pops, so I put it in the refrigerator. Then I ate it when I was almost done purging. And now I'm almost through my second package of oreos. The first was mint, this one is peanut butter. I put them in a bowl, poured soy milk over them and I'm eating them with a spoon. The mint oreos purged fairly easily. I'm a little scared of what the peanut butter ones will be like on the way out.
Halfway through purging the first time I was tempted to get my camera and take (and post) pictures of the back splash on my ankles, my bathroom wall and the outside of my toilet. I wanted to post it here, in the purge, on any site that gets an influx of "wanas". There's nothing glamorous or desirable about this. I've cleaned it up but maybe if my second round of purging is just as messy I will take pictures.
I apparently need reminding of why I want to stop. Last time I was motivated by the idea that purging might kill me. This time the best I can do is wanting my life back, and sadly that's just not good enough.
But at least Tuesday and Thursday were b/p free. That's twice as many b/p free days as last week. So I am making progress. |
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[May. 17th, 2008|03:04 am] |
Um... another thing....
are my posts in this comm. listed on my friends friends page? Or are they private until they click on purgatorium on my user info page and see my entries? I just tried to make the entry locked, but I couldn't figure it out.
I kind of want to make all of this private... but im too computer illiterate to know how. |
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[May. 17th, 2008|12:39 am] |
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I just went on to amazon.com's grocery section and was reading food reviews for over 2 hours. And adding shit I've never tried but suddenly, desperately absolutely HAVE TO GET MY HANDS ON to my cart. And then I looked at the food bill and it was over $600 because apparently at Amazon.com sells a ton of shit in bulk. So of course what do I do? Consider buying it in bulk for what would be the most ridiculous planned binge known to man ((wo)man?). Good thing I'm broke... |
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[May. 16th, 2008|10:02 pm] |
Anxiety every day. Didn't binge today, had alot of cals though. I did purge but I purged to much yesterday it didn't work today. Diet tomarow I guess. Got to stop purging everyday so it will work later. Do most people have the same problem?
My mom knows I'm bulimic but I said I'd stop, so no need for a tharapist or whatever. She tolled me I was killing myself and compared me to my sister who's an alcoholic. :( (she's is getting help/rehab) I'm sure my mom tolled my sister about my 'problem' cause my sister kept saying in the letters she sends me "if you have any problems we are here for you. Its not all about me and rehab, you are as important too. Mom and I are there for you If you need to talk" she's either talking about how I'm bulimic or my depression. I hate talking about my problems, its just awkward and then I start balling. I have no strong relationships with anyone. I love my sisters and my mom, but I can absolutly not talk about anything with them. I hate my dad, he's the reason I have depression. Long story. I love him, but he never shows emotion, so I don't know if he loves me. He is a robot. |
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| Scary things. |
[May. 17th, 2008|01:00 am] |
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Is anyone else as paranoid as I am about stomache rapture?
:X
I wonder how many bulimics that actually happens to... |
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| FOOD EATING CONTESTS! |
[May. 17th, 2008|11:55 am] |
i'm guilty of watching all these food contests on youtube
but normally such thoughts run through my mine after watching stuff like these:
1) WOW hell, i bet the girls went to puke it all out after the filming ended.
2) i hate girls like that who "boast" how much they can eat while still staying teenymeeny. they piss the hell outta me
3) for entertainment's sake, this must all have been staged
4) i'd rather eat a variety of food rather than just gorging myself on 1 single type. they should add icecream, sushi, pizza, burgers, etc.
5) freakin manicures!
i'm from asia, and many of the girls here look as thin as that and still manage to eat ALOT. with the exception of people like me=(
sometimes i wonder whether they're all bulimics in secret.
just because people normally think asians should be skinny so this issue hasnt been raised much yet.
well, i know all of us here can beat them hands down..
but we'll feel really guilty after the binges.
yet supposedly these arent girls with EDs, it's amazing how they can make themselves eat all that without a hint of guilt. |
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| People never cease to amaze me! |
[May. 21st, 2008|11:38 pm] |
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Okay so yeah I'm complaining about people at the grocery store again (different one at least-Sobeys and Zehres for the record-A&P gets the gold star here seriously they are by far the best with customer service head and shoulders above the rest). Seems to be a running theme of late. Anyways two boys were doing the packing and of course anorexic equals deaf to them. I could tell they were giving me looks even before I stepped in line or course they are analyzing my groceries thinking WTF. I should have said yup I'll be barfing this shit up you to see their faces I was so tempted. I may have to do it once before I leave. Okay anyways I'm like three feet away from them at the doing the debit thing and paying and the little buggers say wow that's so scary to each other. They were talking about me. I gave them a look like hey stupid I heard you so they squirmed a bit as they were handing me the groceries. So rude I should have complained but I'm not in the mood. I know I look like shit so heck I don't mind if people do a double take that's human nature but come on now these boys were just plain rude. I know people talk about me when I leave but come on wait for me to leave before you go at it. |
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| Hello |
[May. 16th, 2008|11:33 pm] |
Hi guys...I'd never think I'd post in a community like this, I feel really ashamed at myself, and I wonder if I'll feel more understood here, my name's Marie-Eve, I'm turning 19 next month, I live in Quebec Canada but I spend a lot of time down in the Southern US with my longdistance fiance.
I've always been an overeater, emotional eater and occasional binge eater (Oreos...) and after a few 2-hours diet (zomg now im dieting....huh cookies nomnomnom, no im not), I finally managed to stick to a diet and to start embracing weight loss and healthy eating...For a while, but 3-4 months in, I just realized I've completely let food take control of my mind and my life.
Here's a little something I wrote on my own private LJ, that explains a bit how at loss I feel, and progress pictures, of which I am mostly ashamed, but also a little proud...
I guess you tell me if it sounds like Ed-nos or if I'm just a whiny bitch.
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| hai. n00b[s] here. >.> |
[May. 16th, 2008|10:24 pm] |
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I've been reading this community for about a week now and you guys seem way different from every other ED site/forum/blog/community out there. In a good way. xD
Today was not a good day. I have binged four times which probably is nothing but it is the most I have ever done. Also, I only purged 3 times unless you count exercising...
Anyway.
holy wow. O.O
Also... after I ate the last of it and settled down to write this post, I burped and almost barfed a bit all over my laptop and bed. O.O I know thats not so odd since I barf after pretty much everything I eat, but it shocked me because it was just like BAM. Luckily I managed to keep it off of both my laptop and bed. >.>
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| hmmm |
[May. 16th, 2008|09:16 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  crappy | ] |
I have been kinda good lately with the b/p.
but i did do it today. and now im in the middle of another. should i go buy ice cream I cant afford and really enjoy this b/p?? Since ive been so good lately??
I want sweets. errr and you are all very cute and fun. You keep me...saine..sorta..sorta saine...semi saine... |
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| food porn overload?? |
[May. 17th, 2008|10:46 am] |
actually, i think little bits of food porn here and there are alright, but lookinh at a whole page of them is just gonna trigger binge sprees around here.. but it's one's own choice, if you wanna look behind the cut anyway..
still, people who step in here might think this is a gastronomicaffair site.
or maybe it already is=D haha
anywaysss
I just binged on an estimated 2500 calories. fuck it.
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| ridiculously picture heavy |
[May. 16th, 2008|10:07 pm] |
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[May. 16th, 2008|10:40 pm] |
would you give up 5 years of your life if you could wake up tomorrow completely ED free?
I would in a second.
everythings kinda spiraling out of control for me, i need to kick my ass back onto the right path. i don't want to go back to the hospital |
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| Day 3 |
[May. 16th, 2008|09:26 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | uncomfortable | ] |
Ugh today was really damn hard. Day 3 of almost no caffeine, no cigarettes and no b/ping because I'm in the car with my mom driving home from school. I'm really proud of the fact that I've been eating relatively normal/well, but I still can't shake the guilt after every meal and I get really bitchy and then feel even worse about that. And then tonight we visited my 96 year old grandfather in his assisted living home and I felt even shittier because he's barely alive but still struggling to stay alive on an hourly basis and here I am puking my guts out and basically killing myself on the same hourly basis. And he's 75 years older than me.
Buut, I've discovered 2 things that have at least made me life a little easier...
1. Orbit bubblemint gum. Helps me with my oral fixation and have stopped me from purging. In-fucking-credible.
2. Nicoderm CQ patches. I got them yesterday and haven't craved a cigarette today coming off a pack a day habit. I've been trying to quit for so long and I think now I may actually be able to do it!! Woooo no lung cancer!
But holy crap I want some golden oreos like it's my job. With the chocolate creme filling. Has anyone else had them? They're amaaazing... |
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